Hey Everyone,
It's been a while, right! So I've been really really busy with Brave Girl Boxes and I'm so proud of what it's doing...but truly, it ain't easy. There are so many women in need of courage and comfort because there are way too many women being diagnosed with breast cancer, more young women in particular than should ever be. This is a fact that breaks my heart every day.
Recently, while making connections and joining a closed group on Facebook, I met a totally cool chick doing really brave stuff! Here name is Melanie Childers and she and her husband have started a podcast called Badass Survivors. Shortly after joining the closed group I received an invitation to be on her podcast. I was super scared and feeling pretty uncertain if it was something I was brave enough to do. After all, it's really easy to speak with written words and behind the walls of technology without actually being heard, no one listening to your actual voice as the words flow from your mouth. What if I said something stupid or wrong? I contemplated this invitation for a bit but really didn't think I could do it.
Then I changed my mind. I actually decided to do it. But not until I got the push I needed desperately. A push I knew all too well would work, but somehow still needed the nudge to take the leap. What was that push you ask? The nudge that got me to say yes? It was two things really.
First, I talked to my husband about it. He has been my biggest champion and supporter from the day I met him. He has championed me and lifted me up when cancer beat me down and depression held me by the throat...ready to strangle me. He has allowed me to evolve and transform myself and my life. He made me feel okay changing things up so I could do it all the way I wanted to. The way I felt was most enjoyable and satisfactory after cancer stripped me of the person I mostly used to be.
I told him about the invitation to speak on the Badass Survivors podcast and about my fears of being small and insignificant to anyone who might tune in. Why would they care about me, what I think, have to say or what I'm working on? And you know what he did? He told me to listen to another podcast that he had just been listening to. It was a guy sort of podcast...I thought why (he's into history and that sort of thing so I couldn't imagine how this would help me)? But then he revealed that, of all people, one of my favorite authors was a guest on the show. Elizabeth Gilbert! You know, author of Eat, Pray, Love...and the inspiration of the title of my blog (in case you didn't know...Attraversiamo is from Eat, Pray, Love). So my interest was peaked instantly.
I listened to it. It was amazing. It was exactly what I needed to hear because it was all about FEAR! I've said it before and I'll say it again...I did not feel like a brave girl before I got cancer. Sure I did things "other" people might have thought of as brave...like oh, one year I worked as a wilderness survival instructor, in the desert of Idaho (that was actually pretty brave, I now admit) but I was young and foolish...not so fearless at the time. And let me tell you, as soon as I got scared...that's when I quit (so there you go, I wasn't so brave).
So as I listened to the podcast she describes fear being ever present in her life. Especially as a creative person. Many creatives often have indescribable fears and hesitations about their work and what people will or might think about it. But she says she finally learned to put fear in it's place. And it's a practice. I've often liked and posted the inspirational phrase "Punch Fear In The Face." But sharing this advice and doing it are two separate things.
Elizabeth compares her beginning a new book to the start of a road trip. She says (and I'm paraphrasing) that fear is always there when you begin and perhaps even throughout your travels. But on this road trip, YOU are the driver, director, decision maker. Fear on the other hand can NOT take the wheel, or read the map, or give directions. Hell, fear isn't even allowed to sit in the front seat...it must sit in the back. And she reminds us that fear is very chatty, always chirping in our ear and when it sees us paying no mind to it, it can try and get really loud. At those times along the journey, it is essential to tell fear to shut up. My version would be to shut the F*ck Up! I'm sure Elizabeth might even use the phrase in necessary moments. It was an amazing podcast. And I couldn't be more grateful to my husband for sharing it with me.
He then gave me a little pep talk a week later when the fear was creeping up on me again. He said, "Remember Melissa, fear can't drive this bus. It can come along for the ride like Elizabeth said, but it has to ride in the back." And he was right. I needed to stop letting the self doubt and "what ifs" control how I moved forward, I had things to say. I have a voice that I think deserves to be heard, if at least by one person who could use it. I have a project I began that needs to be talked about in order to grow and get the help it also deserves.
So I contacted Melanie and said okay, I'll do it. A couple weeks later we did it. And I was so relieved when it was over. I was terrified. Then, a week later I got another message from Melanie that the recording was bad (sound interference) to the point of inaudibility. I could have been crushed and afraid of doing it again. But instead, I spun it in my head, and decided it was an opportunity to do it even better perhaps, like the first run was practice and this was the real deal. We went ahead and rerecorded. It was so awesome and easy talking to Melanie because she is in no uncertain terms, so genuine and real. And she "gets it." She really "gets it."
I got a message from her as soon as the podcast was ready to air. It made my heart race and my hands sweat. She told me I had an hour before it was downloadable on iTunes for all to hear. So, the crazy, controlling, fear mongering part of me listened immediately with the thought that if it was terrible she could pull it off the podcast. But even though it wasn't perfect, it was good. I trusted myself. And when I trust my voice, I'm certain I'm on the right path.
Here it is folks. I hope you like it. I hope you share it for anyone who needs it or might benefit from it. Badass Survivors is available on iTunes and I encourage you to subscribe (it's free). All topics are breast cancer related. Melanie had breast cancer too and this is her way of giving back (in a not so small way might I add). Our conversation highlights my project with Brave Girl Boxes, my cancer story, my battle with depression and Tamoxifen and lastly what helps me get through it all. Because the dance with cancer is never really over, even when you show no evidence of disease. It's with you forever.
I love what she's doing so much so, that I decided to launch the production of a metal and leather cuff with hand stamped Badass Survivor on it and it's coming soon to my Etsy shop (The Brave Sparrow) and all proceeds go to help support this podcast. While you're there, check out the other Brave Inspired items that help support Brave Girl Boxes.
And if you're bored, come follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest where I try to keep us all in the loop on what happening in the world of breast cancer, cancer health related advice, recipes, my life, and how I do my best to deliver "Courage In A Box" to newly diagnosed breast cancer patients as much as I possibly can.
xo Melissa
