Reconstructed Me

Fall is my favorite time of year.

It reminds me of Maine and all the impending change that is about to occur all around us, but especially in the colors of the landscape and the smells that emerge but most of all, the noticeable crisp air (this is by far my favorite). Oh, it's also the time of year for Apples! I love apples. And I make the bomb Apple Crisp with a little help from my girl Martha Stewart. This is Cara's favorite dessert, hands down.

Our household has been vicariously submerged into European Soccer from the day any of us made contact with my husband Dale. The girls since the day they were born and me since we moved in together. He is a, dare I say, FANATIC! So when the opportunity to see a game other than on the t.v. screen we try not to miss out. Since we live in Northern Virginia the team "we" support is obviously D.C. United. We caught a game with my brother and sister in-laws and as usual it was terrific! Lots of energy and noise noise noise, everywhere noise. But I'm sure it's nothing compared to an actual European match which I hope and pray one day I will get the pleasure of seeing and hearing in person.

Near the end of September we supported Dale and the family crew in their annual Chili Cook-Off. They have been doing this for nearly two decades. What used to be the DC101 Chili Cook-Off has now turned into the Clarendon Days Chili Cook-Off so to have a more family atmosphere. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I think making it more family friendly is a wonderful change (although I had never actually been to the previous venue). This would be my first actual appearance at any of their contests. And I know the entire bloodline of the Wright Family can throw down some mean chili. They are afterall from Texas. My husband always nostalgically recalls his favorite memory as a boy was the smell of his father roasting peppers on the grill.

Cara's Games continued on a regular basis, sometimes three nights a week. We secretly couldn't wait until the season was over but we certainly enjoyed being able to watch and support all the girls at SJHS!

In October (Breast Cancer Awareness Month) we went to Breast Cancer Bites, an event in D.C. to raise money for the GW mobile mammography unit, which provides breast cancer screenings to people who may not be able to afford them. There was wonderful food, people, entertainment and vendors. We had a great time, especially since we got to see Five For Fighting and Great Big World perform! Cara really enjoyed that part I think.

Cara is recording this and enjoying this more than you know!

They were on GLEE which made her grin from ear to ear and have since appeared on The Voice and recorded with Christina Aguilera!

Guitar Signed by P!NK Up For Auction

The Scary Escalator in Rosslyn!! WAAAY too steep for my liking.

I also wrangled my friend Kristi into attending the Bra Day Celebration put on by my plastic surgeon's office every October. Rooftop soiree, drinks, eats, mingling, talking to the docs and the 3D tattoo artist he refers all his patients to. That was the highlight of my night. His name is Vinny and he works out of Baltimore. Vinny specializes in nipple tattooing and he is truly gifted with a talent that provides so many of us what we are in need of.

One thing I really wanted to experience but didn't get to was the Sara Bareilles Concert at the Lincoln Theater. She has been such an inspiration for me this year. I've loved her music for a long time but this year her song "Brave" came out. It was right around my diagnosis and surgery and I really needed a theme. Brave became that theme. In all I had to go through, I constantly reminded myself to "just be brave."

My husband's birthday came and went without even a photo. That makes me sad. We celebrated with a nice dinner at his parent's house, but it just wasn't the year for big birthday celebrations. I'll make it up to him next year.

Something really cool began in October that I was super excited and absolutely terrified too at the same time. Oprah (I lover her Super Soul Sunday Series on OWN) and Brene' Brown collaborated to produce and online 6-week course on Art Journaling and the exploration of the guideposts in Brene' Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection (which I highly recommend). She sort of become one of my biggest influences this year and I admire her deeply. The course was wonderful and it took a lot of willingness to be honest with myself.

This is Brene' Brown...my Guru of sorts :)

And Me...This was our first assignment!

I loved the course so much that I'm going to do Part 2 of the course which developed after Part 1 was so incredibly successful! And you don't have to be creative/artistic to do it. Just be yourself and you'll b surprised what happens!

If you aren't familiar with Brene' you should check out this video. Her TED Talk went viral overnight and suddenly the topics of shame and vulnerability were being highlighted and everyone was in awwwwwe! I know I was.

I met with my oncologist for the first time in October. We discussed that Tamoxifen would be the drug that I was advised to take for the next five years. I was really wrestling with whether or not I even wanted to take Tamoxifen at all. Did I want to go into early menopause? Did I want to add to my already moody tendencies? And did I want to switch my great working antidepressant for a new one because if I was going to take Tamoxifen I would HAVE to change it up. Prozac nullifies the effectiveness of Tamoxifen as do all SSRI's. This would be something for me to really consider. But I still had one more surgery before I would have to decide.

October 30th I underwent surgery to remove the expanders! YAY! I can not say that strongly or loudly enough. The excitement and anticipated relief of no longer sleeping with expanders was so huge that it almost overshadowed any concerns about the implants. I chose to have silicone implants for several reasons (all in comparison to saline implants).

Natural Looking
Natural Feeling
Less Likely to Ripple
Safety

Surgery was a breeze. Recovery was easier than any other thus far. The results...I was not so positive about at first. But time would bring me confidence and honest joy and happiness with how things turned out. But oh boy, what immediate comfort I achieved in this swap. It really is like night and day. Every patient who has been through it will tell you the exact same thing.

I never like the IV inserting part. But I love how I end up feeling!

Off to Never Never Land for a little while!

Now I just couldn't wait for the Holidays! Having Cara with us was going to be wonderful.

July ~ August ~ September

2013

So we all have to begin again at some point.

This is great inspiration. I love Jennifer Pastiloff!

My summer had a ton on the calendar and most of it included doctor visits, follow-ups, Cara and Jace (my adorable grandson). Cara needed to be registered for school, she was in two volleyball camps and needed to tryout for the volleyball team at her new high school.

But before Volleyball she gave a try at archery! Soooo Cooool! She was totally working her Katniss vibe from The Hunger Games!

And then we rescued a little kitten!

As though we needed something else to take care of...but I couldn't let him go. Cara wanted a cat and I had told her when the time was right, a cat would find its way to us. And then as we pulled into the grocery store parking lot in the heat of July there here was. He ran and got up under the hood of someone's car where the engine is. Three men helped us get him out. How could I possibly say to Cara he wasn't meant for us? He presented himself loud and clear.

We named him Niles.

I think Cara spent the entire summer, besides taking excellent care of me, sweating her butt off on the volleyball court of her high school. After Maine, she had completed the two camps back to back and each one started early in the morning and ended in the late afternoon. They were everyday of the week.

That sweet girl was pooped by the time it was over. And then the tryouts for the team started. They ran daily and all day as well. And even after making the team she continued to practice with the team daily until school started...and then until the season ended. It was a little insane and it was my first time being any sort of "sport mom." As tiring as it was I have to report that I really loved being so involved her life for the first time.

My Birthday Came And Went!

Thirty Eight Years sure goes by quick! And I found myself pondering all that had happened in those nearly four decades of my life. And asking the question we all ask when we're given the diagnosis of cancer.

"Why me?" "How did this happen?" "What now?"

I'll tell you a secret. The only question you are going to be able to answer is the "What now?"

And not everyone will find it right away. A few do I think. But I'm still figuring that one out. I'll let you all know when I find my answer to that very very big question and dilemma.

On the weekends when we had down time we tried to relax...just relax!

And then the Cicadas came!

After 17 years in the ground, they emerged and the whole state of Virginia was a buzzzzzzz!

We also had a friendly Toad that appeared every night outside our door entry. After the long summer he got pretty fat. One night while walking the dog I saw one in the parking lot of our apartments that was bigger than any toad I had ever seen and I shooed him away so he wouldn't be smooshed by a passing car.

Just before school started Cara's mom (my husband's ex-wife) came to visit and spend some time with Cara before she started school. It was a very nice visit. Her mom and I had managed over the years to become friends. And I truly valued our relationship because the one person who would benefit beyond measure from that relationship would be Cara. She spent 10 days with us and she was able to see Cara practice with her team (she made JV her Freshman year) and be here when she got home from her first day of high school. It was great.

We really tried to normalize our lives again even though we weren't sure how.