The Brave Girl Boxes Project Is Really Coming Along!

I'm so excited about how well this is going!  We are really making this happen and I am so grateful and appreciative of those who have donated and sent messages of encouragement.  Helping newly diagnosed women find Courage, Comfort, Nourishment and Connection is my dream.  Check out the fundraising page to see what's happening and what amazing and cool companies are contributing to the boxes!  

And if the project touches your heart and you feel moved to help please donate and help spread the word by posting the link of the fundraising page on your Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Email etc.

Thank you from the bottom of my Brave Girl Heart!

xo Melissa

December 2013

December marked one and half months post implant placement and I felt pretty good.  But I was missing Cara immensely and finding myself lost without someone to take to care of besides myself.  I wasn't exactly sure what to do anymore.

I tried to distract myself with Christmas and shopping and such but everything I saw made me think of Cara.  Before she left after Thanksgiving she opened all of her Christmas presents at her request (so we obliged).  It was so anticlimactic and I felt so "un-right" about the whole thing.

Dale threw himself into work by doing tons of overtime and he didn't want to talk a lot about Cara's absence.  I on the other hand needed to talk about it with someone so my therapist got an earful on a weekly basis while I struggled to work through my emotions.  I felt a lot of anger and I wasn't sure why.  I was confused and sad and heartbroken all at the same time.  My therapist said anger can often be a mechanism to avoid sadness and pain.  It's like a shield we protect ourselves with.  That made so much sense to me.  And it explained why everytime I wanted to talk to Dale about it he would get agitated, uncomfortable and sometimes downright mad.

During December I had several doctor appointments.  First to the gynecologist to discuss my breast cancer diagnosis after which she wrote me orders to have an ultrasound of my ovaries to get a baseline and see how they looked.  Ovarian cancer, as many of you know, is highly correlated with breast cancer.  Highly!  There is a lot of ovarian cancer in my family.  I still have not been tested for BRCA1 and 2 because my insurance won't agree to pay for it.  They say it's not a covered benefit even in light of OBAMACARE which requires it to be covered.  Some insurance policies are "Grandfathered" and don't have to change.  That's a story I'm not done telling but it's for another day.

I woke up early the morning of my scheduled ultrasound and headed (along with all the morning traffic) to my appointment.  It was a super cold morning, one that left everything covered in ice from the previous day and nights storm.  I had the heat cranked up in the car and 15 minutes into my drive I heard this CRACK!  My windshield was suddenly divided into upper and lower and had one big long line from one side to the other.  Great, I thought.  Nice way to start the morning.  One more thing to take care of.

I arrived at my appointment a little late after getting "lost."  They conducted the ultrasound of my ovaries which was not so bad really (my sister has instilled the fear of God into me for some reason).  You have to arrive with a full bladder and since I got "lost" and was a bit late my bladder was extremely full and I could not wait for it to be over.  Thankfully it's only the first part the requires the full bladder and they immediately let you go to the bathroom after (YAY!).  I finished the rest and the doctor said everything looked great. 

WOW! that was perhaps the first doctor appointment I'd had in a long time where someone said everything looked ok and they didn't order some other test or exam.  I was pretty happy about that and so I treated myself to a Starbucks on the way home.  But I didn't quite make it home...

...not so fast anyway.  About 10 minutes after stopping for coffee the car started to overheat and was erupting all sorts of smoke from under the hood of the car so I pulled over of course and turned the car off.  Mind you I'm on the side of Interstate 66 and I was not lovin' life at that moment.  I called Dale and my father-in-law and the repair shop and the tow company and finally two hours later I was dropped off at my husband's work so I could take his car home.  Meanwhile our car was at the shop being checked out.  That would not go well either...

...almost $3,000 later the car was fixed.  That's all I have to say about that.

I had two more doctor appointments before we needed to leave for Maine.  My primary care doctor was swapping my antidepressant to prepare me for the new hormonal drug Tamoxifen that I would be taking for the next five years.  I had been taking Prozac (I like it and did well on it).  Now I was on Effexor.  I can't say I was a big fan and it took some real adjusting to.  I discussed my increased sadness and anxieties after Cara left so I wanted to adjust my anxiety medication dosage.  That would help a lot.  We also increased the Effexor dosage...that would NOT help (I'll discuss later).  My plastic surgeon was just checking on the results of the implant placement and healing.  Everything looked great!  Yay, I love easy doctor visits.

The night before we left for Maine we attended the stage performance of ELF at the Kennedy Center in D.C.  Oh my goodness was it fantastic!  I love love love going to shows at the Kennedy Center.  What a treat.  And it was just like the movie which I adore.  And to my surprise and delight, Dale really liked it too!

We hit the road at night which we always do when we drive to Maine.  It helps us avoid the New York traffic...usually.  This particular time we just so happened to get caught up in the fiasco that would be known as "Chris Christie Bridge Scandal."  That right...it took us almost two hours to cross the George Washington Bridge while 4 lanes of late night trucking traffic all tried to merge into 1 lane of traffic while the bridge was under construction!!!!!!!!  I was lucky that I could rest...but Dale was driving and he was not happy.  He did however pass the time with lots of podcasts and a little gaming on his phone since an inchworm moved faster than we did.  We would later learn what we had been caught in and the scandal it was.

We had a fantastic Christmas!  My family always makes it wonderful when we visit.  I love that I get to relax and just enjoy my cousins and my aunt and uncle.  There home is certainly like my other home.  It was a houseful for a good part of the week.  Eight of us and three dogs eeeegadzz!  But it works.  We ate, we drank, we laughed, we played, we rested, we shopped and we ate and drank some more.  

Matching PJ's Christmas Morning!

Cheers!

 

A Real Italian Sandwich by Amato's

Me and Courtney in N. Conway NH

My "other" Sister!  xoxo

Lunch at The Black Cap in NH was sooooo good!

Leaving was hard but we did so just in time because a big storm was about to dump another foot of snow the very next day.  Dale wanted to stay and get snowed in...I on the other hand was ready to get back to our routine.  I had eaten enough for the next couple of weeks and I really needed my home and routine back.  Plus I missed the cat.  Go figure.

Niles

Happy Love Day

If you haven't already, please check out a lovely website www.bravegirlsclub.com  

I love their mission and their spirit.

Brave Girl Boxes

Sorry I've been M.I.A this past week!

I am busy working on a very special project for newly diagnosed breast cancer patients.

 I hope to bring to life very soon!

In the meantime, we are gathering crowd funding and partnering with amazing companies and artists who create inspiring, beautiful and comforting products to assist women during their diagnosis and treatment and promote BRAVERY!

Love to all my Brave Girls xoxo

Please donate if you can and help be part of spreading the word by sharing the link to our funding site.

BRAVEGIRLBOXES

Saying Goodbye To Cara

November 2013 was also a really hard month for our family regarding life with Cara.  

We started to learn some heartbreaking things were happening in her life.  We would soon realize we hardly knew the half of it.  This would be the saddest part of my entire year.  Forget cancer.  I wanted to fight for Cara and we did.  But eventually the fight for her would end in her return to live with her mother (something I was really against in my heart) which is what she really ultimately wanted.

She left on a plane the day after Thanksgiving.  

Only 6 months after she arrived.  

I'm still reeling from what happened and I am still trying to live with this change but I find it very difficult. 

I miss her, love her, worry about her and pray for her.  

There is a whole in my heart in the shape of Cara.

 Boxes Destined to Cara in Idaho

Shakespeare Park Boise Idaho

Outer Banks, NC

Crescent Beach State Park, Maine

Boise Zoo

Space Museum, D.C.

Favorite Pic of Us!

 

Falling Into Autumn and Fake Boobs!

Fall is my favorite time of year. 

 It reminds me of Maine and all the impending change that is about to occur all around us, but especially in the colors of the landscape and the smells that emerge but most of all, the noticeable crisp air (this is by far my favorite).  Oh, it's also the time of year for Apples!  I love apples.  And I make the bomb Apple Crisp with a little help from my girl Martha Stewart.  This is Cara's favorite dessert, hands down.

Our household has been vicariously submerged into European Soccer from the day any of us made contact with my husband Dale.  The girls since the day they were born and me since we moved in together.  He is a, dare I say, FANATIC!  So when the opportunity to see a game other than on the t.v. screen we try not to miss out.  Since we live in Northern Virginia the team "we" support is obviously D.C. United.  We caught a game with my brother and sister in-laws and as usual it was terrific!  Lots of energy and noise noise noise, everywhere noise.  But I'm sure it's nothing compared to an actual European match which I hope and pray one day I will get the pleasure of seeing and hearing in person.

Near the end of September we supported Dale and the family crew in their annual Chili Cook-Off.  They have been doing this for nearly two decades.  What used to be the DC101 Chili Cook-Off has now turned into the Clarendon Days Chili Cook-Off so to have a more family atmosphere.  I thoroughly enjoyed it and I think making it more family friendly is a wonderful change (although I had never actually been to the previous venue).  This would be my first actual appearance at any of their contests.  And I know the entire bloodline of the Wright Family can throw down some mean chili.  They are afterall from Texas.  My husband always nostalgically recalls his favorite memory as a boy was the smell of his father roasting peppers on the grill.

 

Cara's Games continued on a regular basis, sometimes three nights a week.  We secretly couldn't wait until the season was over but we certainly enjoyed being able to watch and support all the girls at SJHS!

In October (Breast Cancer Awareness Month) we went to Breast Cancer Bites, an event in D.C. to raise money for the GW mobile mammography unit, which provides breast cancer screenings to people who may not be able to afford them.  There was wonderful food, people, entertainment and vendors.  We had a great time, especially since we got to see Five For Fighting and Great Big World perform!  Cara really enjoyed that part I think.

Cara is recording this and enjoying this more than you know!  

They were on GLEE which made her grin from ear to ear and have since appeared on The Voice and recorded with Christina Aguilera! 

Guitar Signed by P!NK Up For Auction

 The Scary Escalator in Rosslyn!!  WAAAY too steep for my liking.

I also wrangled my friend Kristi into attending the Bra Day Celebration put on by my plastic surgeon's office every October.  Rooftop soiree, drinks, eats, mingling, talking to the docs and the 3D tattoo artist he refers all his patients to.  That was the highlight of my night.  His name is Vinny and he works out of Baltimore.  Vinny specializes in nipple tattooing and he is truly gifted with a talent that provides so many of us what we are in need of.

One thing I really wanted to experience but didn't get to was the Sara Bareilles Concert at the Lincoln Theater.  She has been such an inspiration for me this year.  I've loved her music for a long time but this year her song "Brave" came out.  It was right around my diagnosis and surgery and I really needed a theme.  Brave became that theme.  In all I had to go through, I constantly reminded myself to "just be brave."

My husband's birthday came and went without even a photo.  That makes me sad.  We celebrated with a nice dinner at his parent's house, but it just wasn't the year for big birthday celebrations.  I'll make it up to him next year.

Something really cool began in October that I was super excited and absolutely terrified too at the same time.  Oprah (I lover her Super Soul Sunday Series on OWN) and Brene' Brown collaborated to produce and online 6-week course on Art Journaling and the exploration of the guideposts in Brene' Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection (which I highly recommend).  She sort of become one of my biggest influences this year and I admire her deeply.  The course was wonderful and it took a lot of willingness to be honest with myself.  

This is Brene' Brown...my Guru of sorts :)

And Me...This was our first assignment!

I loved the course so much that I'm going to do Part 2 of the course which developed after Part 1 was so incredibly successful!  And you don't have to be creative/artistic to do it.  Just be yourself and you'll b surprised what happens!

If you aren't familiar with Brene' you should check out this video.  Her TED Talk went viral overnight and suddenly the topics of shame and vulnerability were being highlighted and everyone was in awwwwwe!  I know I was. 

I met with my oncologist for the first time in October.  We discussed that Tamoxifen would be the drug that I was advised to take for the next five years.  I was really wrestling with whether or not I even wanted to take Tamoxifen at all.  Did I want to go into early menopause?  Did I want to add to my already moody tendencies?  And did I want to switch my great working antidepressant for a new one because if I was going to take Tamoxifen I would HAVE to change it up.  Prozac nullifies the effectiveness of Tamoxifen as do all SSRI's.  This would be something for me to really consider.  But I still had one more surgery before I would have to decide.

October 30th I underwent surgery to remove the expanders!  YAY!  I can not say that strongly or loudly enough.  The excitement and anticipated relief of no longer sleeping with expanders was so huge that it almost overshadowed any concerns about the implants.  I chose to have silicone implants for several reasons (all in comparison to saline implants).  

• Natural Looking
• Natural Feeling
• Less Likely to Ripple
• Safety

Surgery was a breeze.  Recovery was easier than any other thus far.  The results...I was not so positive about at first.  But time would bring me confidence and honest joy and happiness with how things turned out.  But oh boy, what immediate comfort I achieved in this swap.  It really is like night and day.  Every patient who has been through it will tell you the exact same thing.  

I never like the IV inserting part.  But I love how I end up feeling!

Off to Never Never Land for a little while!

Now I just couldn't wait for the Holidays!  Having Cara with us was going to be wonderful.