The Beauty of A Circle

In the last month I've seen two professional tattoo artists get banned from both Facebook and Instagram for their sharing of post mastectomy, scarred breasts with newly inked artwork or areolas DESPITE both company's policies supporting the sharing of such images. Needless to say it's an outrage and it hits close to home.

The progression of a recontructed breast is something not only painful...but in the end...quite beautiful. In no way do tattoos take away the pain we endure as breast cancer patients/survivors/whatever you call yourself. BUT...it most certainly does in every possible way give an individual some control and power back over what was taken against our choosing. 

My tattoos were my choice. My tattooes gave me an ability to see something that was taken away from me...something I desperately wanted to see again. Not everyone has to want or need this but by all means...everyone should support my and every other human beings right to have this and to share this option.

Nipple/Areolar tattoos are a wonderul gift - created by talented professionals and artists like Beth Fairchild and Amy Black (and many others). 

Stop shaming the nipple and in turn shaming the woman. 

We are human. 

It's just a 2 inch circle.

Get over it.

If these images offend you...my dear, you have bigger issues.

The look on my face says it all.  This is the very moment I first saw what a tattoo could do for me.

I was absolutely speechless.  Overcome with relief.  Filled with awe.

Grateful.

When Are You Going To Learn?

Anyone diagnosed with breast cancer should  instantly be concerned about translatable research (therapies) no matter their early stage and be acutely aware of their potential to become METASTATIC.  Because 30% (after all) do metastasize.

We've played the awareness game so long we can regurgitate these nuggets like a reflex and it's giving me reflux (ha!).  It's become robotic.  And it isn't making the slightest dent in the death toll.

We know this because three decades of awareness has gone by and still every year in this country we surpass the 40,000 mark.  And every year those numbers seem to be swept under the rug in the hope that no one will notice.

It is so appalling to me that in our age of modernity and techno advances we still have not evolved enough to actually track metastasis in patients in order to have better data.  So that we may show the hard evidence!

Research (NOT AWARENESS) is what we need.   I dare say an entire revolution is what we need when it comes to breast cancer.

Supporting new, trendy, yet redundant and often deceitful "AWARENESS" campaigns is (IMO) like sponsoring the deaths of 40,000+ people a year in the US.  You might as well be the undertaker.

So...essentially...if you jump on the PINK band wagon and vomit the same ludicrous things like "early detection saves lives" or "mammograms save lives" or that breast cancer is the "good cancer" (because we get so much money) or if you were just more positive you'd get better or if only you'd just "cop'd a feel" ...well then my friend you're part of the problem!  A very deadly problem that might one day actually be your problem.

And then who will you turn to?

Food for thought.  I mean...I've certainly thought about it.  Have you?

~Melissa

#metsmonday #dontignorestageiv


post script... I never said I didn't have strong opinions.

Do You Know...?

As the month of October - Breast Cancer Awareness Month (a.k.a. Pinktober) draws to a close, I wonder if you know.

It is very important to me that I share what I know. Breast cancer is not all you think it is. It’s not all I thought it was - before I actually started educating myself. There is a lot to know…more than you will ever learn at most breast cancer related events and more than I can convey in this long post.

As many of you might already know, in 2013 at the age of 37, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. My cancer was found at Stage 1. This is good for all intents and purposes but still a devastating diagnosis that comes with lifelong impact (often underestimated).

What many don't realize is that this early finding of my cancer and my current “healthy” status DOES NOT guarantee that the same nasty little breast cancer cells are all gone necessarily. In fact, they could be in my body quietly remaining undetected. These crazy cancer cells can do this for many years or even decades before activating again and then causing symptoms that would later result in a Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis (cancer that spread beyond the breast). Breast cancer cells love to move to our bones, lungs, livers and brains.

Science and statistics tell me it’s not likely but we all know science and statistics aren’t always reliable. And cancer is the furthest thing from reliable. So it remains a reality I’m in touch with and an ever present danger that I am all too well aware of. ALL the time.

So…
Do you know the meaning of METASTATIC (Stage 4)?
Do you know that the only breast cancer that kills is Metastatic Breast Cancer?
Do you know that after 30+ years of AWARENESS “FOR THE CURE” there is STILL NO CURE?
Do you know that finding breast cancer early is NOT the key to saving lives?
Do you know that mammograms serve a purpose but also DO NOT save lives?
Do you know that 6-10% of all new breast cancer patients at diagnosed Metastatic from the start?
Do you know that 30% of all early stage patients later become Stage 4 and we don’t know why?
Do you know that just because you have hair - doesn't mean you're well?
Do you know that this a not just your "Grandmother's disease?"
Do you know that 40,000 people in the US are dying every year from Metastatic Breast Cancer?
Do you know that we're not tracking progression of Early Stage Cancer to Metastatic (giving a false survival rate)?
Do you know that “awareness” campaigns don’t save lives?
Do you know that Metastatic disease is treated like a dirty little secret?
Do you know that the average life expentancy of a Metastatic patient is 3 yrs?
Do you know that ONLY 7% of all breast cancer research money is used on Metastatic Breast Cancer?
Do you know what a person with Metastatic Breast Cancer looks like? See #iamsusan
Do you know that 60% of people know VERY LITTLE about Metastatic Breast Cancer?
Do you know that more and more YOUNG WOMEN are being diagnosed with Metastatic Breast Cancer every year?
Do you know that men get breast cancer?
Do you know that Saving TaTas is NOT equal to Saving Lives? And it’s incredibly offensive!

Since the day I took my first breathe on this planet 40 years ago, the number of annual deaths from Metastatic Breast Cancer has remained unchanged. In my lifetime alone 1.6 MILLION Americans have died from Metastatic Breast Cancer. This will continue without more research funded in the right direction.

THIS HAS TO CHANGE

All those pink ribbons and merchandise that you think are contributing to a good cause to "FIND A CURE" probably (in all likelihood) are not doing anything at all to find a cure. The majority of the money raised by events and merchandise is squandered on yet more events, more merchandise, more marketing, more "awareness", people's salaries and big non-profit overhead costs and NOT ON A CURE.

The only thing that helps find cures or life extending treatments is SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH.

There is a big push to help facilitate this long overdue shift. Groups have organized like METUP.org (inspired by ACTUP and the AIDS Crisis). Congress is being pressured to finally allocate fair amounts of research dollars to match the percentage of those impacted 30% for 30%. There is a slow but growing shift in the collective consciousness about the stale mission of “awareness” campaigns and the fun, pretty, pink, party-like, and all too often sexualized manner in which breast cancer is portrayed. It isn’t fun. It isn’t pretty and it certainly isn’t sexy. And something many may not realize – it’s not about breasts in the end. It’s about lives.

What I've discovered since my diagnosis is that I knew very little about breast cancer. Even my first year of being a breast cancer patient was pretty uninformed when I look back and realize all I know now. Until you're deeply impacted by cancer (or educated by someone who has been) you’re probably in the dark about what is really happening to people who are living with and dying from it.

So I beg you - with all your good intentions - to think twice, to pause and to reconsider how you support causes like breast cancer or any other disease or cause close to your heart and ask the important questions. These questions matter.

Does this charity do what they say they will do?
How IS this money being spent?
How might it be better used?
Who benefits from my donation?

You can find almost any legitimate charity/non-profit and see their ratings and financial reports (any good organization will be transparent) on charitynavigator.org

If you find it in your hearts to donate to breast cancer in the future I would implore you to consider donating to METAvivor.org because they are run entirely by volunteers (who are living with but also dying from metastatic breast cancer) and they use 100% of their donations to fund research to the only kind of breast cancer that kills - METASTATIC breast cancer.

I know for me personally, that's the organization I support because I have TOO MANY friends who are Stage4 and I want them to live – not die. And in the event I someday become Stage 4, I want to know that I helped support the only research that might actually help me stay alive.

In the meantime I’ll be over on my other Facebook page; Bravery Grace & Badassery – where I do the majority of my advocating, educating and sharing of information. I hope you’ll wander over there to follow or simply check in on occasion to see what’s new. There is a lot happening these days.

If you want some great site recommendations to visit regarding breast cancer here are my top picks.
Metavivor.org
BCRFCure.org
MBCN.org
Breastcancer.org
LBBC.org
METUP.org
MBCAlliance.org
IAMSUSAN - on Facebook is remarkable!

Thank you for reading this. I love you heart emoticon.

Breast Cancer Doesn't Make Me Smile and Neither Does The Latest YSC Campaign

It is not okay to sexualize breast cancer. 

 

It is not a sexy disease.  It does nothing to make us feel sexy.  In fact, we often lose parts of our body that do just that and even those who don't lose their breasts are left feeling nothing like they used to.  

We are scarred, poked, prodded, dissected, amputated, burned and chemically tortured.  After all of that we are unquestionably and irrevocably changed.  We suffer.  We struggle.  We are not okay.  And many (too many) will die from this disease.  

Approximately 108 people die in this country every day from metastatic breast cancer.  YSC knows this.  So for an organization like Young Survival Coalition (whom I thought knew better) to align themselves with a campaign that clearly wants to simplify what breast cancer is all about and profit from it is just downright hypocritical and entirely insensitive.  It's quite dirty if you ask me.

This was an EPIC FAIL on the part of Young Survival Coalition yesterday when they decided to post this photo of their partnership with Spencer's Gifts and the "Boobies Make Me Smile" Campaign/Foundation.  

As soon as the post aired I took a position.  I even commented on the thread.  Soon after YSC replied to me directly with this comment.

Women everywhere were commenting about how awful this choice was.  Yet YSC maintained that they are in fact empowering young women and reaching their target audience with the help of Spencer's.

How does it help educate and empower young women about the devastating effects and impact of breast cancer by using tacky, distasteful marketing ploys like boobies and tie dye?  Really YSC, what is wrong with you?  You are the company you keep.

After a slew of negative feedback about this horrible association, YSC has since removed their post from their Facebook page.  A sincere apology and disassociation from this campaign however has not happened.  

Beth Caldwell wrote a wonderful open letter last night in response to this debacle and you can read it here.

Take a stand.  

xo Melissa

Beth Caldwell Says It All In Less Than 3 Minutes

As the amazing and beautiful Beth Caldwell implores her Washington State Senate yesterday (to pass SHB 2194 to create a funding stream and program for cancer research, prevention and care) I too implore YOU to watch and listen and stand up and use your voice because there will come a day (if we don't act now) that Beth and the women like her (living with metastatic cancer) will not be here to speak for themselves. If you live in Washington State please call your representatives and senators ask them to pass SHB 2194 for Cancer Funding.

Beth is the author of this wonderful blog The Cult of Perfect Motherhood

Wear Your Scars Like Fucking Stardust

If you don't know or don't follow the author and brilliant woman, Amy Ferris just stop now and go find her.  Here let me help you... Amy Ferris

And here I am...wearing my mastectomy scars like fucking stardust. A quote originally from the gritty and downright hell of a woman, Amy Ferris. 

No one could have put it better.

xo ~ M

Brave Girl Boxes New T-shirt Campaign

I've received a lot of request for more t-shirts to support Brave Girl Boxes.  I finally have gotten around to creating a new design and I hope you all love it.  As you know I love birds so I included a beautiful extended wing in the design and I used the same statement as in the latest cover photo "BRAVE GIRLS KEEP IT REAL."  I love the way it turned out and I chose a lovely blue color.  It's available in both unisex fit and women's fitted. 

The sale ends July 1st. 

Only 11 shirts need to sell for them to go to print.  Bonfirefunds handles everything.  When it's done they donate the profit to BGB.  This helps keep my mission of delivering hope, courage and love alive.

Please share everywhere!  The powers of social media are amazing.

xo ~ M

Here is the link!

Fear, Anxiety & Second Opinions

xo Melissa

References for you:

Enchondroma
Gralise (gabapentin)
Bone Islands
CT
Bone Scan
Metastatic
PMPS Post Mastectomy Pain Syndrome

Learn more about breast cancer here.

The High Wire

Sometimes I succeed at taking off my cancer glasses (through which almost everything seen is about cancer). Other times not so much. It does get more "do-able." NOT easier. Just more "do-able" with time. But nothing can take away these spectacles I now have...you too?

It's not about being a downer or negative or pessimistic. It's about the new reality you live in. Not everyone gets this.... Not everyone lives in this space that we do. But it's real and it's not going away. It's just something we balance and manage.

My good friend Lynn calls this the tightrope we walk. Our high wire act. Too much to the left and we're in a rut, depressed and full of fear. Too far to the right and we've lost sight of what keeps us safe and grounded....lost in the clouds of denial.

The middle is where we live our best life. Balanced. Honest. Do-able. Brave.

xo Melissa

Keeping It Real After Cancer

I shouldn't write when I'm angry.  But then again, that's usually when my voice is best transcribed.  I AM angry.  So fucking angry.  I'm angry about a lot of things that I blame entirely on cancer.

In the past several days I've heard the news of three more admirable women dying of metastatic cancer (cancer that has spread from the site of origin to other parts of the body).  When I read the news on my Facebook feed (because so often we learn the news via social media), I uttered "another one."  I said that because it seems like every day I learn that someone else has been taken by the enemy.  It's too much!

When the person next to me heard me, they immediately took the position that my life has become too focused on cancer and that it was becoming overwhelmingly a negative part of my life and causing me to therefore be negative. 

I beg to fucking differ.  Yes, I swear and I don't care.

Here's why.

Once you know a thing, you can't unknow that thing (I've always been struck by this phrase).  And once you know cancer intimately, you simply can't unknow it.  Even if you no longer present with any evidence of cancer.  I say it that way (no longer present with any evidence of cancer) because I don't think I'm free from cancer in the larger sense.  My body might not exhibit signs of cancer residing within me any longer, but my life in general certainly has not been rid of cancer, nor will it ever be.  Nor should it, in my opinion.  Until it's eradicated at least.

I believe in balance.  I must care for my healthy self, and nurture the happy and positive parts of my life.  And I do this as often as I can.  I encourage everyone to do this.  It's important no matter what your current status is (cancer patient, NED, caregiver, etc). 

But I will not leave behind my friends or the women and men still enduring this devilish malignant criminal.  I will not ignore the dying so that I might live a "blissfully ignorant" life.  To do so would be to dishonor those still in need of so much more.  Because they are NOT rid of cancer.  They need scientific advances (like yesterday already).  To do so would be to shoot myself in the foot too.  Because the fact remains, while I might not be showing signs of cancer today, 1 in 3 will be diagnosed with metastatic cancer (no matter how long ago their original cancer was).  So I would be fooling myself to think fighting this fight doesn't serve me too.  It's serves us all.

If we leave all the talking and rallying and fighting up to the people with metastatic cancer (who by the way have enough to be worrying about and dealing with), soon there will be NO VOICES...
...because if you haven't heard, metastatic cancer kills everyone with metastatic cancer.  Period. 

We DON'T need to be losing so many women and men who by all reasoning should have so much life left to live.
We DON'T need more motherless and fatherless children.

We need more voices (there are many but not enough). 
We need scientific advances. 
We need funding to be directed intensely at finding a cure NOT awareness. 
We need research and clinical trials to be funded. 
We need faces and campaigns that far surpass what exists today.
We need the truth (not all metastatic patients are counted).

So, while I might sound negative or depressing at times to someone who doesn't intimately understand this complicated "afterlife", I can only say this...

..."this is the truth.  This is reality.  I won't stand by and be silent while people suffer and die.  I have a responsibility now and I will not let your fear of the truth stop me from telling it."

I am asking all of you to donate today if you can, any amount is acceptable. 
As little as a dollar. 
Please go to METAvivor and make a difference.

In honor of:

Lisa Boncheck Adams

Paula Yanochik-Bishop

Brittney Brewer


And all that have gone before them (too soon).  May you never be forgotten.

- Melissa McAllister

Brave Is The New Black - Sparrow Edition T-shirt Campgain

JANUARY 24, 2015

Hello readers and followers!

I started a t-shirt campaign to raise funds for Brave Girl Boxes to keep Courage ALIVE!

I hope you'll feel inspire to help and order a t-shirt for you, a friend or family member.

Available in:

UNISEX - tees and longsleeve and hoodies
LADIES - tee (slimmer fit, contour, and shorter sleeves near shoulders)
YOUTH - tee

This campaign gives you the opportunity to help us (Brave Girl Boxes) continue to deliver courage in a box to women with breast cancer.  You're helping spread kindness everywhere like stardust!  AND you get to have a really cool t-shirt that also spreads our brand and looks really cool too.

This t-shirt will not be available for ordering after FEBRUARY 8, 2015 so grab yours today!

Click HERE to order

UNISEX T-SHIRT PICTURED

THANK YOU!