04-25-13
I've been feeling pretty anxious and fighting the sadness that wants to overwhelm me over the last week since I saw the surgeon. Waiting SUCKS!
When I left her office she said she would send me an authorization number so that I could schedule my MRI after my period started. Since that visit I had received no phone call. Not even to see how I was doing. I on the other hand had called their office three times. Twice, expressing my uneasiness about the prolonged wait. While only nine days now it's seeming like an eternity when you have a diagnosis already. Once to report that I received a call from the genetics lab who reported to me that my insurance will not cover the cost of the test. Neither of my calls were returned until today by the surgeon's assistant.
She might be a nice enough person. I don't know her at all. But I am not a happy camper. And I am kicking myself in the ass wishing I had just gone ahead with the referral my primary care doctor had given me to begin with. I also cancelled an MRI a week ago at the advice of the surgeon. I finally got a call from her today but she had no answers for me. Nor did she have an authorization number for my MRI they told me I needed. In frustration, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
I called the other doctor. I made an appointment. I called my primary care doctor and got an authorization number immediately for an MRI and I called and made an appointment for the MRI which will happen next Wednesday if not sooner (I'll be calling to see if any cancellations will allow me a sooner spot). I then told my husband that I had several conversations that were incredibly helpful with the original surgeon's office and they have followed up with me and bent over backwards to get me in.
After getting off work and arriving home I called the office of the surgeon I had already met and informed them that I no longer needed them to authorize an MRI for me and that I would not be making any future appointments for the doctor. Her assistant got on the phone and when I told her that I was going to go elsewhere and that I had everything lined up all she could muster to say to me was, "i'm sorry i was sick yesterday and I've been working to get what you need done." It was so ambivalent that I could have cared less. That surgeon just lost a patient. I did in 20 minutes of phone calls what she had yet to accomplish in nine days. If this was going to be foretelling of my possible care during treatment with this doctor I would be absolutely horrified.
I needed to do something. Someone has to worry about me and what's best and right for me and if no one else is going to take on that job than I will surely be the one doing it! This is my life! While I feel like I've backtracked and lost some time and momentum, I'm hopeful this will be the better direction to go. Always go somewhere else if you aren't positive about where you have been.
It's late. I'm tired. I've tried hard to stay busy at work and not get too lost in my thoughts but it's hard to do. I've been making mistakes and feeling in a daze. I feel like I walk outside of myself a lot. I feel some disconnect to everyone around me too. Even though I'm getting support and love I feel detached. I feel like I haven't truly crumbled like I know I need to so that I can stand back up and climb up this hill, mountain, peak. Thank God I have a lot of life climbing experience!
I think perhaps God has sent me a possible gift. An angel of the most special kind. A survivor, my age, in my town. We've never met...not yet. I read a story about her and reached out when I realized she lived here too. To my surprise and delight she replied to my request and agreed to meet. Next Tuesday we will meet for coffee and get to know one another a little bit. We've exchanged some quick emails thus far. I'm so grateful for next Tuesday :)
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